So, this one time I went to Dunkin Donuts to get a couple of iced coffees and several bagels w/ cream cheese for breakfast, but then instead of a worker, there was a sabre-toothed tiger cat behind the counter register. She was wearing a Miami Marlins hat on to the side like a straight-up gangsta queen and there was a sign above the menu saying "9/11 was an inside job." I told her I was offended and would talk to my superlawyer and then she said
"What would you like to eat, lil' fishie?", with a sick sadistic fucking smile.
"I would like to be a virgin NO NO NO I mean I would like a virgiN! I would like a virgin!", I don't know why I did that, but it was something I will always regret.
The sabre-toothed tiger lady ate up a bunch of later-teenage girls who were just trying to avoid, I mean enjoy their food. Highly realistic gore flew everywhere as I cried and cried and cried and took a picture of dead people with my smartphone (I'll post it to Instagram later. ;P)
"What would you like for me to eat now?", she gnarled n' inquired.
"A couple of iced coffees and several bagels w/ cream cheese", I responded.
She gave me the coffees and bagels but there was butter on them. I got really mad and shot her with my elephant gun. Highly realistic gore flew everywhere again. She didn't die because she was wearing a bullet proofed vest.
I am in jail right now. They only feed me bread and water and iced cream if I'm good. My defense attorney has spikey hair and is known to lie a lot in court but I trust him b/c he says he will always trust his client to the end. Like a lot of lawyers he likes to eat iced coffee. I told him to go to Dunkins.